"It's not that hard."
It's a mantra I say over and over again, mostly to convince myself that the majority of life's trials just aren't that difficult. Yes, I've had hard days. For any of you who read my post on the woes of homework, you know I don't have it all together.
"How do you do it?" I'm often asked. I don't know why people ask me that. I'm a stay-at-home mom with four kids. Just one is still at home with me during the day, and even then just two days a week. I don't home-school. I don't have a full-time job. I have a housekeeper who comes once a week. I'm a little obsessive-compulsive, and I'm never bored. I stay busy. All the time. But really. Compared to many moms I know, truly what I have going on here is not that hard. To those that work long hours, come home to a messy house, care for their children and husband and drop into bed empty and exhausted, I commend you. Yes, your life is hard. My hope for you, though, is that your life is also full of joy.
But here's the kicker. Don't be fooled by the lie that says that contentment is contingent on balance. Not true, my friends. The real secret to keeping things on the right track isn't balance; it's prioritizing. Specifically, it's about prioritizing gratitude. When you plan ahead, when you make a conscious, intentional decision to give thanks even BEFORE the consequences of your choices become manifest, you say to God, "Thank you for these kids. Thank you for the laundry. Thank you for the homework." Truthfully, I'm not necessarily saying thank you for it. I'm saying thank you that I'm in it. For now, this is the place God has me.
"Thank you because you're God (priority one), and you gave me (these kids, homework, house, etc.) for a purpose (gratitude)."
Balance says it's okay to eat ice cream and cookies. In moderation. Balance says it's okay to work long hours as long as your time at home is quality time. Balance says I deserve this dress. I've been good with my bank account all month. In moderation, people.
And all those things are okay, but balance is tricky. It doesn't take much to upset it. A little too much, and the waistline stretches. Reality is blurred. Money is tight. And you have to start all over again. What if, instead, you said, "I'm prioritizing my body. I'll treat myself on Saturday night?" How would your life be different if you said, "God, thank you for this family. I understand that the time I spend with them has an eternal impact. I'm drawing the line at 45 hours/week?" What if you got to that spiritual place where you could say, "God thank you for clothing me. I'm not going to spend money on myself until I've given what I have to others?"
The problem with "moderation" is that it's subjective, and the boundary lines are varied. For me, having ice cream once a month might define moderation, but you might enjoy the cool treat once a week, and my friend down the street might think once a day is okay. Where do we draw the line? By focusing on priorities and gratitude, we acknowledge God first and his role in taking care of us.
Does that mean I'm complacent? Absolutely not! But I am content, and here's why:
Matthew 6: 31-33. "So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. "
So I say it's not that hard. But I also want to be a person who "does hard things." There's a big difference between complacency and contentment. By analyzing the opposite, we can define both. Discontent says "My life lacks joy" while a person who is not complacent says, "There's surely more to life." God gives us what we need. That's why I'm content. He promises us what we desire. That's why I'm not complacent. Real joy is found when my desires fall in line with what God desires for me.
I remain content because God is in control of the minutiae and the mundane as well as the magnificent and miraculous. I get to participate in both . Jeremiah 29:11-14: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you and hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." While I might once have felt that I was being held captive by my situation, the reality is that my negative thoughts and attitude kept me from the freedom and fulfillment I desired.
So, while I'm joyful, I will never be happy with the way things are. Why? Because God has a plan for my life. The only way to get there, though, is to DO HARD THINGS. I have those words emblazoned on my keychain. God created me for a purpose, for something holy and beautiful, and I don't want to waste a single day being complacent about the way things are, not when what could be is beyond my wildest imagination. The freedom of fulfillment in a life of a contentedness is attainable.
Ephesians 5:16--Be careful, then, how you live--not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. How do you do this? It's not that hard. You can choose to make excuses, or you can choose to make a difference.
Contentment is accepting the blessing of today. Priscilla Shirer, author of the Bible Study, Resolution for Women, puts it this way: " It's a holy equilibrium. A genuine gratitude for what the day brings, all the while maintaining a controlled anticipation for what tomorrow may offer." And so I wait...patiently, expectantly, prayerfully.
Lord, I pray that you will lead me to discover the opportunities that today brings. And in the meantime, I will give you thanks for giving me this day, no matter what it brings.
Now, that's hard.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Harry Potter and..the Pursuit of God
Even Atheists long for God. No, they won't admit that's what they're searching for, but since God made everyone, I think there's something in all of us that seeks to draw us to him.
In an article I read in the January 8th issue of Parade Magazine, Daniel Radcliffe (a.k.a. Harry Potter) responds to a question about religion. "I have a problem with religion or anything that says, "We have all the answers," because there's no such thing as 'the answers.' We're complex. We change our minds on issues all the time. Religion leaves no room for human complexity."
Ahhh, young Harry, but it does. You are right. People are complex. And life is hard. As Christians, though, we have a direct line to the big man upstairs. Jesus loves me, and that's enough.
And so says Radcliffe, "I started to see the potential for acting as storytelling, as being part of something fundamental to human existence."
You are right again. We are all characters in the greatest story ever told, the one where God shows us again and again that he loves us and longs for a relationship with us. Over and over, we turn our backs on him. Yet, he continued to pursue us, ultimately sending Jesus here to live and die and save us from our sin so we could live forever. You, Daniel Radcliffe, have a place in that story, too.
"What I learned is that acting is to a large extent about trying to stave off self-doubt long enough to be natural and real onstage. I have quite a rich inner life, and I'm constantly looking for a way to express that. I haven't found it yet in acting. Self-expression is something that I love and yearn for. "
You haven't found it in acting because the expression of your soul can only be found in the one who created it: God.
I love the poetry of the words of Jeremiah 17:7. In these words, we find no room for self doubt.
"But blessed is the man who
trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted
by the water that sends out its roots by
the stream. It does not fear when heat
comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of
drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
Radcliffe ends by saying, "I still see something very romantic in the world that perhaps isn't there." He's sees God, but he doesn't recognize him.
In an article I read in the January 8th issue of Parade Magazine, Daniel Radcliffe (a.k.a. Harry Potter) responds to a question about religion. "I have a problem with religion or anything that says, "We have all the answers," because there's no such thing as 'the answers.' We're complex. We change our minds on issues all the time. Religion leaves no room for human complexity."
Ahhh, young Harry, but it does. You are right. People are complex. And life is hard. As Christians, though, we have a direct line to the big man upstairs. Jesus loves me, and that's enough.
And so says Radcliffe, "I started to see the potential for acting as storytelling, as being part of something fundamental to human existence."
You are right again. We are all characters in the greatest story ever told, the one where God shows us again and again that he loves us and longs for a relationship with us. Over and over, we turn our backs on him. Yet, he continued to pursue us, ultimately sending Jesus here to live and die and save us from our sin so we could live forever. You, Daniel Radcliffe, have a place in that story, too.
"What I learned is that acting is to a large extent about trying to stave off self-doubt long enough to be natural and real onstage. I have quite a rich inner life, and I'm constantly looking for a way to express that. I haven't found it yet in acting. Self-expression is something that I love and yearn for. "
You haven't found it in acting because the expression of your soul can only be found in the one who created it: God.
I love the poetry of the words of Jeremiah 17:7. In these words, we find no room for self doubt.
"But blessed is the man who
trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted
by the water that sends out its roots by
the stream. It does not fear when heat
comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of
drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
Radcliffe ends by saying, "I still see something very romantic in the world that perhaps isn't there." He's sees God, but he doesn't recognize him.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Are You There, Mom?
As my kids get older, I find myself pushing them farther and farther towards the edge of the nest. Eventually, I'll touch them with my finger, and off they'll go...not to tumble downward, flapping their wings helplessly for me to pick them up again, but instead to soar to amazing heights. I often ask myself, "For what other purpose do I feed and clothe them, teach them and train them?" Surely, it's not simply to keep them alive. No, it's to send them on their way! Of course, that's my hope.
Even at the ages they are now, they crave the independence. "Mommy, let me do it!" my four year old cries as she brushes her teeth and clips a bow into her waves of curly hair.
"I want to stay home by myself!", my 10-year remarks as I pack everyone in the car for the dreaded weekly trip to the grocery store.
"Don't walk me to the bus stop!", my middle schooler laments. Never mind that it's raining, and that I was going to hold the umbrella for her until she got on the bus.
I've come to realize that I may not have to push them out of the nest at all. They are the ones giving me the boot!
And yet as much as they want to hold me at arms-length, there is something in them that also wants to make sure I'm still there.
I'm reminded of this inner turmoil when we are at the park.
"Watch me, Mommy!", Cari Jill says as she runs to the tallest slide.
"Did you see that pass?", Aaron asks as he tumbles to the ground with his football.
"I'll be climbing that tree over there. Where are you going to be?", Gavin mumbles as he runs away with a pack of friends.
I'm not going anywhere.
A month ago, I chaperoned the Middle School holiday dance. Of course, I was spying, but I tried to be respectful of my 12-year old. I acted as cool and aloof as humanly possible, talking only to my friends and just barely peeking at Christiana over my own half-full glass of punch. In fact, I had no intention of speaking to her at all. Yet, every half hour or so, there she was, making her way over to where I was standing.
"Did you see that dress, Mom?"
"Are you having fun, Mom?"
Really? She wanted to know if I was having fun?
My children want to know that I'm paying attention, that I've got their back, that I'll protect them, cheer for them, and congratulate them. They may say they want to do it "all by themselves," as well as assert their independence in other not so subtle ways. But they'll always be back. Drawn to me like a magnet to metal, they're always close.
I, too, want to be assured that someone cares for me, is watching out for me, and loves me unconditionally.
Are you there, God? It's me...Chantel.
"Hey, God, I'm going to do this thing my way...but I hope you're there; I hope you're watching. I hope you'll save me if I fall down. And God, I really hope you'll bless me even if I do the wrong thing."
Like the Psalmist (like our children), we say, "O Lord, I call to you; come quickly to me. Hear my voice when I call to you" (Psalm 141:1).
I want to do it all by myself, and I also want the strength of God. I want both. I need both.
Psalm 139:7-10
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
Thank God.
Thank God for those verses as well as the promise of Psalm 73:23-24: Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Thank God, that even though one day my children may leave my home for good, they won't be far from God. So now, when I clasp their tiny hands and look into their eyes, I hope they see God's reflection in mine. I hope that even though they push me away, I'll take advantage of all those little moments that I unexpectedly get back--moments when they come running into my arms--happy or hurt or excited or angry--I want them to see God in me and know that like him, yes, I'm still here. As he guides me with his counsel, so as their parent, I am instructed to do the same for them.
I'm still here.
Even at the ages they are now, they crave the independence. "Mommy, let me do it!" my four year old cries as she brushes her teeth and clips a bow into her waves of curly hair.
"I want to stay home by myself!", my 10-year remarks as I pack everyone in the car for the dreaded weekly trip to the grocery store.
"Don't walk me to the bus stop!", my middle schooler laments. Never mind that it's raining, and that I was going to hold the umbrella for her until she got on the bus.
I've come to realize that I may not have to push them out of the nest at all. They are the ones giving me the boot!
And yet as much as they want to hold me at arms-length, there is something in them that also wants to make sure I'm still there.
I'm reminded of this inner turmoil when we are at the park.
"Watch me, Mommy!", Cari Jill says as she runs to the tallest slide.
"Did you see that pass?", Aaron asks as he tumbles to the ground with his football.
"I'll be climbing that tree over there. Where are you going to be?", Gavin mumbles as he runs away with a pack of friends.
I'm not going anywhere.
A month ago, I chaperoned the Middle School holiday dance. Of course, I was spying, but I tried to be respectful of my 12-year old. I acted as cool and aloof as humanly possible, talking only to my friends and just barely peeking at Christiana over my own half-full glass of punch. In fact, I had no intention of speaking to her at all. Yet, every half hour or so, there she was, making her way over to where I was standing.
"Did you see that dress, Mom?"
"Are you having fun, Mom?"
Really? She wanted to know if I was having fun?
My children want to know that I'm paying attention, that I've got their back, that I'll protect them, cheer for them, and congratulate them. They may say they want to do it "all by themselves," as well as assert their independence in other not so subtle ways. But they'll always be back. Drawn to me like a magnet to metal, they're always close.
I, too, want to be assured that someone cares for me, is watching out for me, and loves me unconditionally.
Are you there, God? It's me...Chantel.
"Hey, God, I'm going to do this thing my way...but I hope you're there; I hope you're watching. I hope you'll save me if I fall down. And God, I really hope you'll bless me even if I do the wrong thing."
Like the Psalmist (like our children), we say, "O Lord, I call to you; come quickly to me. Hear my voice when I call to you" (Psalm 141:1).
I want to do it all by myself, and I also want the strength of God. I want both. I need both.
Psalm 139:7-10
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
Thank God.
Thank God for those verses as well as the promise of Psalm 73:23-24: Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Thank God, that even though one day my children may leave my home for good, they won't be far from God. So now, when I clasp their tiny hands and look into their eyes, I hope they see God's reflection in mine. I hope that even though they push me away, I'll take advantage of all those little moments that I unexpectedly get back--moments when they come running into my arms--happy or hurt or excited or angry--I want them to see God in me and know that like him, yes, I'm still here. As he guides me with his counsel, so as their parent, I am instructed to do the same for them.
I'm still here.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Tradition Schmadition
It's December 26th, and when Christmas is over at our house, IT IS OVER. Although the tree still stands and the stockings still hang, I am anxious to resume the order that normally characterizes our home.
From Thanksgiving to December 25th, however, I am all about the traditions that signify Christmas for me. The "comfort and joy" of the famous carol are rooted in the tradition of the season.
I overheard two friends chatting the other day. One said, "It just doesn't seem like Christmas this year." The other asked the obvious: "Why not?" Her friend answered, "I don't know. I guess it's because we didn't do a lot of our usual stuff."
The "usual stuff" actually matters a lot. For one, it tells my children that we are intentional about celebrating Christmas. We think it's important. We love God, and Jesus' birthday is a pretty special day. By taking time to establish the traditions, we also reap the benefits of a full month of deliberate family togetherness. Even though December can be pretty crazy, it's a beautiful kind of crazy, devoid of the high-strung angst that normally characterizes days governed by school and work.
If you haven't already done this, here's six ways to establish traditions that stick.
1. Establish traditions that bind the family together. Beginning on December 1st, the Elf on the Shelf arrives at our house. His escapades are always fun, and the kids look forward to being the first to find him every morning. He is a tricky little elf! We also hang an Advent calendar that my sister-in-law made for us. Every child, from the youngest to the oldest, loves to plunge his/her hands in the deep pockets and feel for the treat of the day. It might be a small piece of candy, a game, or an activity that the family can share. The daily element of surprise adds a bit of fun and builds anticipation.
2. Establish traditions that work within the framework of your family's unique schedule. Since my husband is a pastor, we rarely get to spend the entire day together on Christmas Eve. Years ago, we decided to do something easy, but fun, for dinner on Christmas Eve. We make homemade pizzas. Right now, the kids aren't very creative with their toppings, but they look forward to tossing the dough, stretching it into unique shapes, and decorating it with pepperoni, cheese, and veggies. By the time they have finished and the pizzas are cooking, Gavin is usually back from tying up the loose ends at church.
3. Establish traditions that you can share with others. I love to purchase the largest undecorated gingerbread men I can find. I put them in the freezer and throughout the month of January we bring them out when friends stop by for dinner. Everyone loves to decorate and eat gingerbread, and seeing all the clever creations makes us all laugh. I'll warn you: It's messy, but worth it!
4. Establish traditions that will grow as your children grow. When I had my first child, I wanted to do something for her on Christmas that I would be able to do every year of her life. Some families choose to purchase an ornament every year. Others add to a charm bracelet or necklace. I like to get my kids matching Christmas pajamas. They're getting older now, and on a regular day they would be mortified in matching jammies, but on Christmas they endure looking like overgrown elf clones. And even though they might moan and groan, the smiles we capture we are priceless. The other present they open on Christmas Eve is the gift of a new book or game. As they grow, picture books have evolved into chapter books and fun family games.
5. Establish traditions that respect the reason for the season. We love to read Christmas story found in Luke 2. When our kids were little, Gavin or I would read the story out loud. Now that they're older and fully capable of reading out loud themselves, they take turns reading a few sentences at a time. This year, I finally thought to record their sweet voices arguing over whose turn it was, correcting each other, and finally finishing the story before tearing into the presents under the tree. Good times.
6. Establish traditions that are also rituals. After baths and showers and when the wrapping is put away and the evidence from the pizza party discarded, we pile in the car to gaze at the beautiful lights that decorate our neighborhood. I used to think Christmas was the tackiest time of the year, what with all those mismatched lights and white metal reindeer dotting peoples' yards, but now all that is festive simply brings a smile to my face. I imagine small children begging their dads to wrap the bushes and trees with the twinkling lights. I imagine the family togetherness being enjoyed in the cozy houses nestled between all those decorations. Our shared joy makes my heart swell just a little bit. Whether beautiful, gaudy, sophisticated, or tacky, I'm going to peer out the foggy car window and "ooh" and "aah" because each little display is actually saying, "Merry Christmas" back to me.
Above all else, don't forget to attend a Christmas Eve service. The traditions might make it feel like Christmas, but Jesus is Christmas. Celebrating the season with other believers is where I truly experience God's gift, Jesus; he is Emmanuel, "God with us." The traditions are meaningful, not just because my family is together, but because Jesus's birth make it possible to experience "God with us."
From Thanksgiving to December 25th, however, I am all about the traditions that signify Christmas for me. The "comfort and joy" of the famous carol are rooted in the tradition of the season.
I overheard two friends chatting the other day. One said, "It just doesn't seem like Christmas this year." The other asked the obvious: "Why not?" Her friend answered, "I don't know. I guess it's because we didn't do a lot of our usual stuff."
The "usual stuff" actually matters a lot. For one, it tells my children that we are intentional about celebrating Christmas. We think it's important. We love God, and Jesus' birthday is a pretty special day. By taking time to establish the traditions, we also reap the benefits of a full month of deliberate family togetherness. Even though December can be pretty crazy, it's a beautiful kind of crazy, devoid of the high-strung angst that normally characterizes days governed by school and work.
If you haven't already done this, here's six ways to establish traditions that stick.
1. Establish traditions that bind the family together. Beginning on December 1st, the Elf on the Shelf arrives at our house. His escapades are always fun, and the kids look forward to being the first to find him every morning. He is a tricky little elf! We also hang an Advent calendar that my sister-in-law made for us. Every child, from the youngest to the oldest, loves to plunge his/her hands in the deep pockets and feel for the treat of the day. It might be a small piece of candy, a game, or an activity that the family can share. The daily element of surprise adds a bit of fun and builds anticipation.
2. Establish traditions that work within the framework of your family's unique schedule. Since my husband is a pastor, we rarely get to spend the entire day together on Christmas Eve. Years ago, we decided to do something easy, but fun, for dinner on Christmas Eve. We make homemade pizzas. Right now, the kids aren't very creative with their toppings, but they look forward to tossing the dough, stretching it into unique shapes, and decorating it with pepperoni, cheese, and veggies. By the time they have finished and the pizzas are cooking, Gavin is usually back from tying up the loose ends at church.
3. Establish traditions that you can share with others. I love to purchase the largest undecorated gingerbread men I can find. I put them in the freezer and throughout the month of January we bring them out when friends stop by for dinner. Everyone loves to decorate and eat gingerbread, and seeing all the clever creations makes us all laugh. I'll warn you: It's messy, but worth it!
4. Establish traditions that will grow as your children grow. When I had my first child, I wanted to do something for her on Christmas that I would be able to do every year of her life. Some families choose to purchase an ornament every year. Others add to a charm bracelet or necklace. I like to get my kids matching Christmas pajamas. They're getting older now, and on a regular day they would be mortified in matching jammies, but on Christmas they endure looking like overgrown elf clones. And even though they might moan and groan, the smiles we capture we are priceless. The other present they open on Christmas Eve is the gift of a new book or game. As they grow, picture books have evolved into chapter books and fun family games.
5. Establish traditions that respect the reason for the season. We love to read Christmas story found in Luke 2. When our kids were little, Gavin or I would read the story out loud. Now that they're older and fully capable of reading out loud themselves, they take turns reading a few sentences at a time. This year, I finally thought to record their sweet voices arguing over whose turn it was, correcting each other, and finally finishing the story before tearing into the presents under the tree. Good times.
6. Establish traditions that are also rituals. After baths and showers and when the wrapping is put away and the evidence from the pizza party discarded, we pile in the car to gaze at the beautiful lights that decorate our neighborhood. I used to think Christmas was the tackiest time of the year, what with all those mismatched lights and white metal reindeer dotting peoples' yards, but now all that is festive simply brings a smile to my face. I imagine small children begging their dads to wrap the bushes and trees with the twinkling lights. I imagine the family togetherness being enjoyed in the cozy houses nestled between all those decorations. Our shared joy makes my heart swell just a little bit. Whether beautiful, gaudy, sophisticated, or tacky, I'm going to peer out the foggy car window and "ooh" and "aah" because each little display is actually saying, "Merry Christmas" back to me.
Above all else, don't forget to attend a Christmas Eve service. The traditions might make it feel like Christmas, but Jesus is Christmas. Celebrating the season with other believers is where I truly experience God's gift, Jesus; he is Emmanuel, "God with us." The traditions are meaningful, not just because my family is together, but because Jesus's birth make it possible to experience "God with us."
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