My grandfather was 83 years old when he died last week. Eighty three....That seems like a long time to live to some, and certain doctors and nurses told my mom as much when they were discussing his health with her. Is it? Well, that all depends on your view of time. Do you consider our time here on earth as "doing time" or " the time of your life"? Was he ready to go? I don't know. He was tired, yes, but READY? I don't think so. You see, this is how my grandfather viewed time....
When he and my grandma moved here last year, my mom spent many of her days helping out at their house. She often complained of the time it took my grandma to get herself ready in the morning. The process apparently took hours! On one such occasion, my mom said to my grandpa, "Boy, mom sure does take a long time to get dressed!" But when my grandpa heard this, he said, "Yes, but when she comes out, IT'S WORTH IT!" Wow--what a testament to the enduring love and affection felt from a husband toward his bride of 64 years!
On the flip side, my grandpa had been very sick for some time, and worse, no one could really diagnose what exactly was causing all of his health problems. On the morning that he passed, a CT scan revealed a large tumor on one of his kidneys. When my mother told him of the diagnosis, he sadly declared, "Well, I guess this is the end of me."
No, Grandpa! This is the beginning of you! Here, where time crawls and time eludes and time flies and time sometimes stands still (as it did that morning)--this time is coming to an end, but the promise of forever and a time that does not end, awaits my grandpa. Surely, in heaven he is having the time of his life! "For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night."--Psalm 90:4. This verse has profound meaning, not only because of the element of time, but you see, my grandpa was blind, too, and in heaven, he will see clearly what could only be felt here on earth.
He has passed from this world where so many of us spend our days as if we're doing time, waiting out the minutes and hours. Not me: I want to be very careful how I live--"not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." I miss my grandpa, but he gave me a great gift. He loved my grandma and he loved me, and I live knowing that one day, I too, will enjoy a new beginning. Let's live like we are having the time of our lives!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tell Me A Story
My earliest memory is as an almost two year old sitting on my mother's lap in our old living room. Our carpet was a patchwork of multi-colored squares, and I remember calling out the various colors: "Pink...blue...red...brown...." The colors were not beautiful. The carpet was not luxurious. And honestly, I only remember saying the words, and my mother nodding "yes." In this way, she acknowledged that what I said was both true and right. This was my earliest memory, and thus begins the story of my life.
Almost as early as we can form the words, we begin using this phrase: "Tell me a story...." Those were the words I said to my grandfather when we would visit during the summer and he would tuck me in at night. They're the words my kids use now when they want me to do the same for them. What is it about "story" that causes us to hear a voice that is not our own and engages us to embrace characters and events we do not know? This is the very thing that makes story-telling so powerful. In it, we have the ability to craft the account of a situation in our own words. In it, characters come to life and empathy is aroused. We find that our most personal, private thoughts abide, not just within the calloused, walled boundaries of our souls but in others, as well. Tell me a story, and I'll tell you what I think.
Yesterday, I took my younger daughter to storytime at our local bookstore. The librarian read one book that we have at home. The way she told the story differed significantly from the way I tell the story. The words, of course, were identical yet her inflections and side notes and character voices bore little resemblance to mine. I wondered to myself which my daughter preferred. Did she enjoy more the boisterous , interrupting voice of this story-teller or the lyrical cadence of my voice as I cuddled with her before bedtime? I wondered if she even knew it was the same story. The setting and context shaped her cognizance for internalizing it. We've all experienced the internal discord that occurs when we hear accounts of the same event from two different people. The story itself is the same, but the word choice and perspective, coupled with our emotions, dictate how we process the information.
I have been working with fourth and fifth grade girls on this very thing for the last two years, and even though they enjoy reading and hearing stories, they have a very difficult time telling a story in their own words. Accessing buried memories, recognizing pivotal moments, and verbalizing future dreams work together to validate the life we live. Understanding the stories other people tell gives us credibility for the way we think and provides a framework for the way the world operates. I want my children to be comfortable telling their story. I want them to understand that their life is a story, a story of course that has value because it's fleshed out within the context of the greatest story ever told. And because I believe this is true, I too, play a major role in determining how the plot plays out for them. Will it be a story they want to tell?
In this, I am reminded of an old Seinfeld episode in which George is dating a girl who, by her own account, is very succinct. She "yada, yadas" over the best part of all her daily business. Towards the end of the episode, George declares, "I gotta tell you, I am loving this yada yada thing. I can gloss over my whole life story."
George, why would you want to do that? I belong to a Community Group through my church that requires us, at the formation of each new group, to tell our life story. It's always my most favorite part of group. Some people choose to tell their story within the framework of the few most challenging or inspiring moments of their lives. Others use pictures to guide them through the timeline of their years here. Unfortunately, though, a few of them "yada yada" over the best parts and miss out on the connectedness that is available to those who are most transparent.
Tell me a story--your story, the one that belongs only to you. It's yours, but I bet it's mine too. And that's what makes it true and right. Let's begin....
Almost as early as we can form the words, we begin using this phrase: "Tell me a story...." Those were the words I said to my grandfather when we would visit during the summer and he would tuck me in at night. They're the words my kids use now when they want me to do the same for them. What is it about "story" that causes us to hear a voice that is not our own and engages us to embrace characters and events we do not know? This is the very thing that makes story-telling so powerful. In it, we have the ability to craft the account of a situation in our own words. In it, characters come to life and empathy is aroused. We find that our most personal, private thoughts abide, not just within the calloused, walled boundaries of our souls but in others, as well. Tell me a story, and I'll tell you what I think.
Yesterday, I took my younger daughter to storytime at our local bookstore. The librarian read one book that we have at home. The way she told the story differed significantly from the way I tell the story. The words, of course, were identical yet her inflections and side notes and character voices bore little resemblance to mine. I wondered to myself which my daughter preferred. Did she enjoy more the boisterous , interrupting voice of this story-teller or the lyrical cadence of my voice as I cuddled with her before bedtime? I wondered if she even knew it was the same story. The setting and context shaped her cognizance for internalizing it. We've all experienced the internal discord that occurs when we hear accounts of the same event from two different people. The story itself is the same, but the word choice and perspective, coupled with our emotions, dictate how we process the information.
I have been working with fourth and fifth grade girls on this very thing for the last two years, and even though they enjoy reading and hearing stories, they have a very difficult time telling a story in their own words. Accessing buried memories, recognizing pivotal moments, and verbalizing future dreams work together to validate the life we live. Understanding the stories other people tell gives us credibility for the way we think and provides a framework for the way the world operates. I want my children to be comfortable telling their story. I want them to understand that their life is a story, a story of course that has value because it's fleshed out within the context of the greatest story ever told. And because I believe this is true, I too, play a major role in determining how the plot plays out for them. Will it be a story they want to tell?
In this, I am reminded of an old Seinfeld episode in which George is dating a girl who, by her own account, is very succinct. She "yada, yadas" over the best part of all her daily business. Towards the end of the episode, George declares, "I gotta tell you, I am loving this yada yada thing. I can gloss over my whole life story."
George, why would you want to do that? I belong to a Community Group through my church that requires us, at the formation of each new group, to tell our life story. It's always my most favorite part of group. Some people choose to tell their story within the framework of the few most challenging or inspiring moments of their lives. Others use pictures to guide them through the timeline of their years here. Unfortunately, though, a few of them "yada yada" over the best parts and miss out on the connectedness that is available to those who are most transparent.
Tell me a story--your story, the one that belongs only to you. It's yours, but I bet it's mine too. And that's what makes it true and right. Let's begin....
Friday, January 21, 2011
In our Sorrow--The Unexplainable Gift
Yesterday we learned that good friends of ours have a son who is dying. As heartbroken and distraught as we are over hearing this news, I can only imagine how this boy's parents must feel. He is their only child, and truly, after months of hoping and praying, they believed with all their heart that he would live. To find out that they have just a few short weeks more with their precious boy is devastating to say the least. Sorrow like this is a tricky thing. At once, it is all consuming and at the same time uneven and fueling a varying range of tumultuous emotions.
When we arrived at the hospital, the mother was crying out: "I am SO mad! SO MAD!!!" She pleaded with us. "Who should I be mad at?" We assured her that she could be mad at anybody she wants. Most obviously, she is mad at God. She has every right to experience the fury that accompanied this unexpected news. And even though she had no idea that she was lifting up an offering to God, Psalm 51:17 clearly states, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." And then in 2 Corinthians 7:10-11, the Bible says "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done." Their acute suffering forced them to make a choice: Would they turn to God in their time of greatest need or move away from him? Over the last few months I have watched this family turn to God and cry out to him with everything that is in them. They have been praying, reading their Bible, and attending church. Even now, they do not understand how a compassionate, loving God would let their child die. Surely a GOOD God wouldn't do that, right?
The irony is that this is precisely where God's compassion is truly evident. Sure, he COULD save the world from cancer and devastation and poverty and all the things that make us sick to our stomachs. He COULD, and one day he WILL, but for now unfortunately the world has been given over to us: "We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true--even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life."--I John 4:19-20. The good news is that Christ has overcome the world, so whether this boy lives or dies, guess what? He wins.
Did you get that? HE WINS.
Christ has overcome the world, and because we are his children, one day we will too.
Sorrow hurts. That is an understatement. There is so much pain in this world. At one time or another, all of us have uttered the words of my friend: "I am SO mad!" And like her, sometimes we aren't quite sure where to direct all that anger. Usually, God takes the brunt of it. There's so much I have yet to understand, but I remain confident that my God is a God of compassion, that I can lay down my heavy heart on the shoulder of his understanding. All we have to offer him may be a broken spirit, a contrite heart, and a soul that is weary with sorrow. We ask, "Where is God in the midst of all this suffering"? I just answered my own question. Surely that's where he is: right in the midst of it. He has to be. In this, (and how and why is a mystery), God reveals himself to us that we might believe in him and accept the free gift of salvation.
When we arrived at the hospital, the mother was crying out: "I am SO mad! SO MAD!!!" She pleaded with us. "Who should I be mad at?" We assured her that she could be mad at anybody she wants. Most obviously, she is mad at God. She has every right to experience the fury that accompanied this unexpected news. And even though she had no idea that she was lifting up an offering to God, Psalm 51:17 clearly states, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." And then in 2 Corinthians 7:10-11, the Bible says "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done." Their acute suffering forced them to make a choice: Would they turn to God in their time of greatest need or move away from him? Over the last few months I have watched this family turn to God and cry out to him with everything that is in them. They have been praying, reading their Bible, and attending church. Even now, they do not understand how a compassionate, loving God would let their child die. Surely a GOOD God wouldn't do that, right?
The irony is that this is precisely where God's compassion is truly evident. Sure, he COULD save the world from cancer and devastation and poverty and all the things that make us sick to our stomachs. He COULD, and one day he WILL, but for now unfortunately the world has been given over to us: "We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true--even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life."--I John 4:19-20. The good news is that Christ has overcome the world, so whether this boy lives or dies, guess what? He wins.
Did you get that? HE WINS.
Christ has overcome the world, and because we are his children, one day we will too.
Sorrow hurts. That is an understatement. There is so much pain in this world. At one time or another, all of us have uttered the words of my friend: "I am SO mad!" And like her, sometimes we aren't quite sure where to direct all that anger. Usually, God takes the brunt of it. There's so much I have yet to understand, but I remain confident that my God is a God of compassion, that I can lay down my heavy heart on the shoulder of his understanding. All we have to offer him may be a broken spirit, a contrite heart, and a soul that is weary with sorrow. We ask, "Where is God in the midst of all this suffering"? I just answered my own question. Surely that's where he is: right in the midst of it. He has to be. In this, (and how and why is a mystery), God reveals himself to us that we might believe in him and accept the free gift of salvation.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My Parenting Epiphany
Last night, we were talking about wise choices. The discussion that centered on wise choices inevitably lead to a discussion on helping children make them and that of course lead to a general wail of "But how do we do THAT'? Some in our group were of the opinion that children need to "sow their wild oats", so to speak, and so learn from their mistakes. After all, if they never flirt with danger how in the world will they know that this is the very thing they need to avoid in the future?
Friends, this kind of thinking is flawed and misguided. To assume that children need to mess up and fess up in order to clean their act up is a dangerous game indeed. I, for one, was one of those dorky kids that did not do stupid things growing up. And I assure you that never once have I looked back on my "boring" childhood and ever wished that I participated in any of the activities that my friends now remember as regrets. I used to think that the world was made up of good kids and bad kids and if you were a good parent (whatever that means) you would generally end up with good kids, although from what I had personally witnessed a sour one might sneak into the mix every now and again.
Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm". A fool is someone who knows the difference between right and wrong, but does not care. In my work with both middle and high school students over the last ten years, I can attest to the fact that quite often they will say out loud these exact words: "I know I shouldn't do that, but I DON'T CARE"! These words would break my heart, yet I did not know how to counter them. Most teenagers have no comprehension of future consequences and their limited life experience gives them a false sense of security in a world where one choice can bring infinite grief and sometimes even death. I could ask them to hold onto the promise, but I couldn't make them do it.
How, then, as a teenager myself was I able to look beyond what was happening to me in the moment and cling to the promises found in God's word? Well, for one, I was lucky enough to have Christian parents myself. My parents not only instilled in me the difference between right and wrong, but they also modeled Christian living in our home. They did not misuse the name of the Lord our God, covet, or lie. They remembered the Sabbath and kept it holy. They honored God above all else. So, even though I couldn't look to my own life experience and glean wisdom from that, I could look to theirs. I could emulate the people who were a little farther down the path than me. If heeding God's word worked for them, then certainly it could work for me, right?
The second thing I did pertains to the following verse: "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you" (Psalm 119:11). Opening up the Bible, reading it and understanding it was encouraged early on in my young life. Over and over again, as temptations badgered me, I could pull from the scripture that was imprinted on my heart. Deuteronomy 11:18-20 says, "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates". God's word was in me, so thus that was what came out of me.
Let me be the first to assure you that like everyone else in the world, I am not perfect. I never will be. That is the consequence of living in a fallen world. I, am, however, forgiven, and the grace of God continues to work in my life that I may ever strive to serve him. More importantly, I work to ensure that the children I have been blessed with raising will grow up understanding these principles. As a parent, that's all I can do--model Christ's love for me by loving them unconditionally and impressing on them his word as found in the instruction manual he gives us for our lives, The Holy Bible. My ongoing prayer is that as their circle of influence widens and they are faced with challenging situations that they will intuitively know to look to God's word and look to me. The wise choice will thus become the easy choice to make. It's a cognizant act of intention every single day.
Friends, this kind of thinking is flawed and misguided. To assume that children need to mess up and fess up in order to clean their act up is a dangerous game indeed. I, for one, was one of those dorky kids that did not do stupid things growing up. And I assure you that never once have I looked back on my "boring" childhood and ever wished that I participated in any of the activities that my friends now remember as regrets. I used to think that the world was made up of good kids and bad kids and if you were a good parent (whatever that means) you would generally end up with good kids, although from what I had personally witnessed a sour one might sneak into the mix every now and again.
Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm". A fool is someone who knows the difference between right and wrong, but does not care. In my work with both middle and high school students over the last ten years, I can attest to the fact that quite often they will say out loud these exact words: "I know I shouldn't do that, but I DON'T CARE"! These words would break my heart, yet I did not know how to counter them. Most teenagers have no comprehension of future consequences and their limited life experience gives them a false sense of security in a world where one choice can bring infinite grief and sometimes even death. I could ask them to hold onto the promise, but I couldn't make them do it.
How, then, as a teenager myself was I able to look beyond what was happening to me in the moment and cling to the promises found in God's word? Well, for one, I was lucky enough to have Christian parents myself. My parents not only instilled in me the difference between right and wrong, but they also modeled Christian living in our home. They did not misuse the name of the Lord our God, covet, or lie. They remembered the Sabbath and kept it holy. They honored God above all else. So, even though I couldn't look to my own life experience and glean wisdom from that, I could look to theirs. I could emulate the people who were a little farther down the path than me. If heeding God's word worked for them, then certainly it could work for me, right?
The second thing I did pertains to the following verse: "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you" (Psalm 119:11). Opening up the Bible, reading it and understanding it was encouraged early on in my young life. Over and over again, as temptations badgered me, I could pull from the scripture that was imprinted on my heart. Deuteronomy 11:18-20 says, "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates". God's word was in me, so thus that was what came out of me.
Let me be the first to assure you that like everyone else in the world, I am not perfect. I never will be. That is the consequence of living in a fallen world. I, am, however, forgiven, and the grace of God continues to work in my life that I may ever strive to serve him. More importantly, I work to ensure that the children I have been blessed with raising will grow up understanding these principles. As a parent, that's all I can do--model Christ's love for me by loving them unconditionally and impressing on them his word as found in the instruction manual he gives us for our lives, The Holy Bible. My ongoing prayer is that as their circle of influence widens and they are faced with challenging situations that they will intuitively know to look to God's word and look to me. The wise choice will thus become the easy choice to make. It's a cognizant act of intention every single day.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
This Week's Top Ten
While most of my friends are complaining about being stuck at home this week with their kids because of the snow and ice that is out, I am instead thanking God for this unexpected gift. Not to seem hyper-spiritual here but haven't we all prayed for a few days at home so we could sleep, organize, cook, etc? You get the picture. We say out loud that we wish we weren't so busy and that we could just have a moment to slow down. Then, when it's given to us, we whine and complain that we need to get out and DO something. I am reminded of the Israelites as they made their way from Egypt through the desert toward the promised land. All along the way, God provided for their immediate needs but time and time again they cried out to God, "Why have you brought us here to die"? Seriously, people? Didn't God JUST give you the very thing you asked for? Not only the thing you asked for, but the thing he knew you needed before you even asked! This week, I am choosing to live out the following verse: "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this God's will for you in Christ Jesus."--1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.
So, here it goes: My Top Ten best things about this week:
10) My checkbook is balanced.
9) I am saving money because I can't go out to spend any.
8) We've eaten at home as a family every single night.
7) Aside from an errant casserole, I've cooked a delicious dinner every night.
6) My basement is organized.
5) I finished three books.
4) I am reading my Bible!
3) My house is clean.
2) My laundry is done.
1) And best of all, I get to spend quality time with my family.
If you're reading this blog post, certainly some or maybe even all of the things that have shown up on my list, have shown up on your list of "to do's" at one time or another. You wish you had more time, so you could eat a dinner at home or catch up on that load of laundry that threatens to overtake the hampers in your kids' rooms. Moreover, we've ALL wished that we could spend more time with our families.
Friends, this week, we've been given an amazing gift. Not only did we enjoy a rare Georgia snowfall, we've been given the gift of TIME. And that's something, along with money and promises, we're all terrible at making and saving.
Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that I am God.
Savor this gift. Use it wisely.
So, here it goes: My Top Ten best things about this week:
10) My checkbook is balanced.
9) I am saving money because I can't go out to spend any.
8) We've eaten at home as a family every single night.
7) Aside from an errant casserole, I've cooked a delicious dinner every night.
6) My basement is organized.
5) I finished three books.
4) I am reading my Bible!
3) My house is clean.
2) My laundry is done.
1) And best of all, I get to spend quality time with my family.
If you're reading this blog post, certainly some or maybe even all of the things that have shown up on my list, have shown up on your list of "to do's" at one time or another. You wish you had more time, so you could eat a dinner at home or catch up on that load of laundry that threatens to overtake the hampers in your kids' rooms. Moreover, we've ALL wished that we could spend more time with our families.
Friends, this week, we've been given an amazing gift. Not only did we enjoy a rare Georgia snowfall, we've been given the gift of TIME. And that's something, along with money and promises, we're all terrible at making and saving.
Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that I am God.
Savor this gift. Use it wisely.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)