My Parenting Epiphany

Last night, we were talking about wise choices.  The discussion that centered on wise choices inevitably lead to a discussion on helping children make them and that of course lead to a general wail of "But how do we do THAT'?  Some in our group were of the opinion that children need to "sow their wild oats", so to speak, and so learn from their mistakes.  After all, if they never flirt with danger how in the world will they know that this is the very thing they need to avoid in the future?

Friends, this kind of thinking is flawed and misguided.  To assume that children need to mess up and fess up in order to clean their act up is a dangerous game indeed.   I, for one, was one of those dorky kids that did not do stupid things growing up.  And I assure you that never once have I looked back on my "boring" childhood and ever wished that I participated in any of the activities that my friends now remember as regrets.  I used to think that the world was made up of good kids and bad kids and if you were a good parent (whatever that means) you would generally end up with good kids, although from what I had personally witnessed a sour one might sneak into the mix every now and again. 

Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm".  A fool is someone who knows the difference between right and wrong, but does not care.  In my work with both middle and high school students over the last ten years, I can attest to the fact that quite often they will say out loud these exact words:  "I know I shouldn't do that, but I DON'T CARE"!  These words would break my heart, yet I did not know how to counter them.  Most teenagers have no comprehension of future consequences and their limited life experience gives them a false sense of security in a world where one choice can bring infinite grief and sometimes even death.  I could ask them to hold onto the promise, but I couldn't make them do it.

How, then, as a teenager myself was I able to look beyond what was happening to me in the moment and cling to the promises found in God's word?  Well, for one, I was lucky enough to have Christian parents myself.  My parents not only instilled in me the difference between right and wrong, but they also modeled Christian living in our home.  They did not misuse the name of the Lord our God, covet, or lie.  They remembered the Sabbath and kept it holy.  They honored God above all else.  So, even though I couldn't look to my own life experience and glean wisdom from that, I could look to theirs.  I could emulate the people who were a little farther down the path than me.  If heeding God's word worked for them, then certainly it could work for me, right?

The second thing I did pertains to the following verse:  "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you" (Psalm 119:11).  Opening up the Bible, reading it and understanding it was encouraged early on in my young life.  Over and over again, as temptations badgered me, I could pull from the scripture that was imprinted on my heart.  Deuteronomy 11:18-20 says, "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates".  God's word was in me, so thus that was what came out of me.

 Let me be the first to assure you that like everyone else in the world, I am not perfect.  I never will be.  That is the consequence of living in a fallen world.  I, am, however, forgiven, and the grace of God continues to work in my life that I may ever strive to serve him.  More importantly, I work to ensure that the children I have been blessed with raising will grow up understanding these principles.  As a parent, that's all I can do--model Christ's love for me by loving them unconditionally and impressing on them his word as found in the instruction manual he gives us for our lives, The Holy Bible.  My ongoing prayer is that as their circle of influence widens and they are faced with challenging situations that they will intuitively know to look to God's word and look to me.  The wise choice will thus become the easy choice to make.  It's a cognizant act of intention every single day.