God Thinks You're Beautiful

Sitting at my computer, I typed frantically, trying to get the words down before I forgot them.  I was oblivious to everything going on at home.  I needed to get my work done.  My youngest daughter tapped my leg.  She bounced up and down.  "Mom," she said, "Do you know that God thinks you're beautiful?"

I paused for a second.  God thinks I'm beautiful?  I bent down and gently kissed my daughter's forehead.  I felt a smile creep to my lips.  What a wonderful interruption!  What prompted it?

At the moment, I felt neither ugly nor beautiful, but I welcomed the pause.  My other daughter is in middle school, and she would never admit it, but she often feels awkward and gangly.  The girls in her class judge each other ruthlessly.  She agonizes over her clothes and hair and who she will sit with at lunch.   I hope she remembers that God thinks she's beautiful.  I hope that God interrupts her negative thoughts and reminds her that he thinks she's beautiful.  He made her, he loves her, and he thinks she is beautiful.

And on days when I'm feeling ugly, I pray I'll remember that God thinks I'm beautiful.  When I'm short with my kids, God thinks I'm beautiful.  When I'm behind on my chores, God thinks I'm beautiful.  When I compare myself to other moms, God thinks I'm beautiful.  When I over-commit and under-deliver, God thinks I'm beautiful.  When I'm tired and grouchy, God thinks I'm beautiful.  When I am anything but beautiful, God thinks I'm beautiful.

Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well. 

I love that verse.  It's a reminder that our duty is to praise God for what he has made.  Each and every one of us is a wonderful work of art.  Let's all be as candid and frank as the toddler:  "Do you know that God thinks you're beautiful?"  Yes, he thinks you're beautiful.  Just the way you are.  You are not defined by your wrinkles, your gray hair, your husband, your job, or your kids.  You are exactly as you should be, wonderful because the one who made you is wonderful, beautiful because the one who made you is beautiful.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this song by Gungor--whenever I need a little reminder.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY 

The Thorn in my Side

The Bible tells us that Paul battled a "thorn in his side."  I don't mean to minimize or make light of it, but I have a thorn, too, and as ridiculous as it is, I am being completely honest with you when I tell you that it brings me great anguish.  I've harbored this thorn since the day I was born, although it has taken various forms.  As a tiny baby, I could have been called "Onion-head," for I was as bald as a bat.  As a three year old, I wore a blanket on my head and even tied it in pig-tails in an effort to give myself the appearance of long hair.  Then, as an elementary school student I envied the straight, long tresses of my friends.  Mine wouldn't grow and what did was a wild tangle of frizzy locks.   As a freshman in college, I yanked out my first gray hair, and my battle with the mop on top continued in a whole new way.  I began a strict color regiment, and then just over a year ago began permanently straightening it.  The color quickly fades, and the permanent straightening process is a joke.  My stubborn coiffure maintains it's curly quirks, despite my best efforts to the contrary.

And so this is what our friend Paul says to the Corinthians, "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me". (2 Corinthians 12:7-9, NIV)

I hesitate even to bring up this passage, because to compare myself to Paul is beyond ridiculous.  You may be reading this blog post, and thinking, "Is she FOR REAL?  This is what she has to deal with...curly hair?  I would LOVE curly hair."  And that's true.  Many people would love to have curly hair.  I assure, you, however, that you would not want mine.  The time and effort required to give it any semblance of manageability, in addition to the sheer amount of product consumed to tame the mane is enough to fill a cesspool two acres wide.  I don't even want to consider the amount of money I have spent on relaxers, conditioners, balms, sprays, oils, mousse, gel, and restructuring cremes.  I tell you, my cabinet is a filament graveyard, filled with half-empty bottles of stranded promises.  I'm no longer bald or gray, but my locks are a far cry from beautiful.

As I write this, I am contemplating additional treatments and a drastic haircut that I fear will make me look like the stereotype I've been fighting for the last twelve years:  MOM.  I love being a mom, so like my mini-van, perhaps my hair can serve as an additional badge of honor.  Accept the burden and embrace the blessing.  Right?  My husband whispers this verse in my ear, and even though my vanity tries to drown it out, I know the words are true:

I Peter 3:3-5:  Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  (NIV)

I do so desire that gentle and quiet spirit.  To be valued by God is so much more desirable than that of the world.  The peer pressure (which, by the way, does not end when high school is over) is so overwhelming, though, that I am having a hard time keeping this verse at the forefront of my thoughts and prayers.  Inner, unfading beauty...beauty that doesn't need special treatment and that instead rests in the quiet understanding of what God is doing in me is my hope. 

I just hope I don't lose any hair over it.